Purchase of this book includes free trial access to www.million-books.com where you can read more than a million books for free. This is an OCR edition with typos. Excerpt from book: " Yes—it's just like girls—always bothering about things that don't concern them. You're always meddling with everything, and spoiling other people's things !" " Oh, Con ! don't be so angry! I only just wanted to look! And, just see,—I've been cleaning up this dirty little brass plate that was inside. I've made it look quite nice—and there's some writing on it." At the same time she thrust the now glittering brass plate into my hands. I looked at it. Everything seemed to turn round with me. Everything was black. I could see nothing but the glittering yellow plate, and the name engraved on it:— KEES VAN ASSEN, I8r3. I dropped the brass plate, seized the bones and the bullets out of the box, and dashed them on the ground. There lay my hero ! Conrad Van Der Liede. NEWSPAPER HUMOUR. To keep apples from spoiling, they should be placed in a cool room in the house occupied by a family with eight children. Florist. " Look at the blush on these roses, sir." Bachelor (with a look at his purse). " I see. They must be blushing at the exorbitant price you charge for them." Florist: "look At The Dlush On These RoSES, Sir." Domestic Morality. " You have not been looking sharp, Bet; the butcher has given you more bones than meat again." Bet. Well, I told him so at the time. I said, if it was for myself I wouldn't take it." Actor. "When I was last acting here, the public were so enthusiastic, you can't imagine. Why, they insisted on carrying me back to the hotel, when I left the theatre." Critic, " Man, man, you don't mean to say you were so far gone as that ? " Patient. "Doctor, I think I have had an attack of the gout." Doctor. " Stuff and nonsense ! if you had really had one, you couldn't think—you'd know it." " Father," inquired a small... --This text refers to an alternate Paperback edition.