Purchase of this book includes free trial access to www.million-books.com where you can read more than a million books for free. This is an OCR edition with typos. Excerpt from book: THE EUPHEMISTS WITH mincing words, They make the good Old English language into A Miss Nancyish tongue. If somebody dies He " passes away," They walk on " limbs," They " expectorate," They " masticate " their food, And when They go to bed, Where it is a pity They cannot stay forever, They " retire." chapter{Section 4THE NAME MISPRONOUNCER IF your name Is Smith Or Brown or Jones, He may get it right, But if you happen To be favored By the gods With an uncommon name, He never fails To misspell And mispronounce it, Rejoicing in His competence As a bungler, And considering it Your fault That you do not Bear a name To match His lingual ability. chapter{Section 5THE BIRD-CATCHER "POOR puss! X Maligned and persecuted Because she fulfills Her instincts And pursues with intent to kill The birds of field and air. Statisticians present Formidable tables Revealing the extent of her crimes, And the millions of insects That are allowed to go unmolested Because she has murdered Their natural enemies. But man also Kills birds for food and sport. Why not also malign And persecute hta? chapter{Section 6THE SWEET YOUNG THING FUR-COATED And be-gaitered She airily hobbles along Upon her shaky heels. By art and fashion She is defended from the cold Except at one conspicuous And vulnerable spot, Where not less than three inches Of reticulated silken hose Expose her to the searching gaze Of all the winds that blow. Yet she is a sweet young thing, And walks in all the pride Of joyous youth, And cares not For that bare And inconsistent gap Between her shoe-tops And her skirt. chapter{Section 7THE DEAR OLD THING A MOST delectable sight is she, As arrayed in all The blithesome garmenture of youth, A hat of rakish tilt A...